May 1, 2010

I PLAYED CHESS WITH GOD

One day I met God. I cannot remember all we said to each other, but I promise I will get back to this again if I manage to recollect. He invited me to a chess game and I accepted. I was given the honour of the first move. I thank God for that.

What follows is all I can remember right now of our encounter. I have to precise first: we had already progressed into the middle game stage when I first broke the ice. I thank God for the patience.

Me: "You know, God, I have been looking forward to ... actually, I never dared to hope we'd met."
God: "At last. I may answer some of your questions if you wish. But you shall hurry up because I have a lot of things to dedicate my attention to. And don't forget to concentrate on the match: it is important."
Me: "I have plenty ... let's see ... for starters ... oh yes, of course! I was wondering ... (yes, I could sacrifice my queen...) wait a minute, that question wouldn't be appropriate ... (...but do I have to? Isn't it too risky? Let's see...) let's see ... oh yes! ... No, that wouldn't be a fine beginning either ... (ok, I will jump into the pit. Done! May God be with me)." - Black moves Queen to C2 attacking black King (Qc2 check).
God: "I can see your mind is not clear. But relax. Remember, I was one of yours once." - White takes white queen on c2 (K:c2).
Me: "Ok, I am sorry. Mmmm ... let's see. How did the world ... No, I think I know that already. My mind is really blank. (and now, yes! now it's time for the knight to gallop)"
- Black moves knight on d4, attacking white's King (Kd4 check).
"Can you help me out please ... You was human once ... What would you ask yourself as a human?"
God (thoughtful): "I shall only provide answers ... you shall provide the questions." - White takes Knight on c3 (b2:c3). "Your move, now (Well, I can see he is giving up material. That speaks for high spirituality, eh eh)."
Me: "Yes you are right, I apologize (Jeez! Had he moved the king on a1, I'd have won with Cc2. I'm down big time. What now?). My granny always told me that moths host the souls of the dead (Damn, that was stupid. Wait a minute! Yeah, the Rook! How could I forget the Rook!) ... I am sorry, God ... I didn't mean to add pagan nonsense to our conversation." Black moves rook from g8 (Rb8 check).
God: "That move was unquestionably appreciable, your hint of a question, far less. (Wait, I ... I cannot escape through c8, a bishop is there restraining my king's movement. There must be something that can be done) Is there something you want to know? I can answer anything, I can do anything for you if only...(farewell to my match. It is gone. Defeated by a human, and not even that intelligent! Maybe I can distract him ... lure him away some way. How was that with the snake?) I shall present you with a reminder of the divine glory You only have to ask ...." (White moves King - Ka1).
"... what you would wish (... and to do the right move! Pay attention human ... you might be close to victory, but I am close to anger)."
Me: "Thank you God." - Knightc2 checkmate.

Now God grabbed the chessboard and shacked it causing all the pieces to scatter. I looked at him genuinely surprised and a little fearful.

Me: "What was that?"
God: "Earthquake".
Me: "Oh ..."

We then parted and I have never heard of him since.

"Blasphemy n.1: the Voodo-Christ".

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